A Shocking Truth
Is it true that love is blind? Because if it is, then middle-age couples appear to have been clearer about marriage. A survey shows that generally speaking, divorce rates among couples have dropped. However, there is an unexpected rise in divorce rates among couples over 50 years old, and it seems that women are taking the initiative compared to men.
A survey conducted in the United States shows that while divorce rate among couples at their ‘20s to ‘30s has dropped to 21% per cent, divorce rates among couples 50 years or older have doubled since the 1990s. This trend seems to be somewhat correct for other countries as well.
Moreover, more than half of these married couples admitted that they actually prefer divorce over an unhappy marriage. This attitude greatly affected most couple’s perspective on the importance of marriage. Now, many couples suffering from unproductive relationships are torn between bearing it and ending with a divorce.
Characteristics of a Midlife Crisis Divorce
While divorce appears to be a choice aimed towards happiness, it is undeniable that it brings tremendous pain as well. The thought of breaking down everything you’ve worked so hard to build and saying goodbye to the person you promised to spend an eternity with is indescribably agonizing.
Not only that, but divorce is truly a lonesome ordeal, not only after it but even while making a choice. There is no amount of friendly or psychiatric advice that would make the decision any easier for you. Only you have the final say when it’s time to pack your things up and leave.
Divorce forces you to do things you never thought you would and hurt people you spent your life protecting.
Causes of Midlife Crisis Divorce
Why is there a sudden upswing of midlife divorces? Here are a few reasons causing failed marriages.
Children always come first. While kids are the joy of the parents, they can also become the greatest reason for separation among married couples. It is true that children are the glue that holds a couple together, but they don’t have to be if nothing is breaking apart. Every effort from the mother and father are solely focused on rearing their kids properly while slowly abandoning each other. Some even admitted that they became too busy even to have the time to check whether they are still happy or not with their marriage.
Middle-aged couples who no longer find the time to nurture their relationships take a big hit in their marriage once the kids become independent. The female midlife crisis begins to kick in among mothers who develop the “empty nest” mentality. When all the hard work to raise the kids ceases, they soon start to realize that their marriage isn’t what it used to be anymore. Unknowingly, couples became strangers with their own spouses and forget how to be happy together. With this loss of connection, they realize that they no longer love each other the same way as they did the first time. This often becomes the reason for quite a few failed marriages.
Life is more than jobs and responsibilities. Women’s midlife crisis plays a great role in most mother’s realization of freedom. Most middle-aged moms feel the need to reward themselves after fulfilling their part in raising the kids. Now, what they want a change of pace with more adventures and fun-filled getaways. Unfortunately, most husbands do not share this same enthusiasm from their wives. Men, after a long day of work, potentially would choose to simply sit on the couch with a beer in one hand and a TV remote in another.
These conflicting desires fuel most women’s desire to chase for adventure, even at the cost of their marriage. Some women even begin to look back and compare this familiar scenario in their family. The thought “I don’t want to end up like my mother” pushes them further back from fixing their own marriages.
Marriage is not always better the second time around. The term midlife is usually a euphemism to the fact that we have more years behind us than ahead. Nonetheless, many are not afraid of losing a partner even in midlife due to that fact that dating is easier today. You can simply grab your phone and go online to find someone.
However, a survey suggests that divorce among couples in second marriages happen twice as much as for those who are only married once. Those who have been through a second divorce say that this is because they invested less effort and emotion in these relationships, making those relationships too shallow and easy to let go.
Divorce is no longer a disgrace. The judgment and mocking that comes with divorce are just a few more reason for others to stick to their unsatisfying marriages. However, this concept seems to have changed as many women now see divorce not as a disgrace, but as a strong statement of independence. Financially stable mothers would easily choose to be divorced than to stay in a terrible marriage since they are capable of providing for themselves and their kids.
Women, whose husbands reacted to their own midlife crisis with unfaithfulness, have no issues in ending their marriages since they know they are not at fault and no blame would come to them. Although this infidelity is more common during a male midlife crisis, although the vice versa could also be true.
Marriage is like a bird. Squeeze it too tight, and it will die. Hold it too loose, and it will fly away.
How to Avoid Divorce
If you want to keep fighting for your marriage, here’s a chunk of advice that may help you put things back together.
Remember that people can change. Although you may not be the same as a couple compared to when you first married, this doesn’t have to mean negatively. You can choose to be better and grow together. Show your love by understanding and supportive even when your partner is facing a midlife crisis. Do everything you can before you say “We need to talk, it’s not working or it’s over.”
Talk more with each other. Most misunderstandings happen simply because you never spend some time to talk it out. Additionally, telling your wife how beautiful she is today and that your husband did a good job of fixing the sink helps in strengthening your relationship. A few words of love can go a long way. Never underestimate the power of words. When was the last time you said I love you?
Seek professional advice. If you are at your wit’s end, see some professionals who have heard about what you’re going through countless times from other people with the same problems. They may be able to give you some advice on how to restore your marriage by looking at it from a completely different viewpoint.
How to Get Over a Divorce ( If it comes to that)
Giving up on marriage is one of the most excruciating feelings in the world. Here is some advice on how to stand back up after a divorce.
Accept the pain and move forward. You will never be able to move on if you keep an unhealthy relationship with your previous partner. It is best if you keep your interactions to a minimum until you have fully recovered from the divorce. The only way to soar above life’s challenges is to let go of what’s weighing you down.
Never let yourself go. Divorce can be emotionally and physically taxing but never forget to take care of yourself. Reading motivational and encouraging books is a good way to keep your mind occupied and stay physically fit by being active. Besides taking care of your mind and body, take care of yourself emotionally by staying grateful for what you still have and patient in every new challenge.
Create new goals in life. The first few years of your divorce might be focused on healing and survival but this is not all your single life can offer. You now have the rest of your life to fill with new, amazing adventures. Never rush to be back in another relationship. Take some time for yourself and see where life can potentially lead you to.
Marriage is a responsibility as much as it is a gift.
Although you may not be able to find a perfect marriage in this world, you can strive to be the perfect spouse you want to be in a relationship. Before ending a marriage, think carefully and then think some more. You may regret the things you lost just because you didn’t fight hard enough.
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